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babybear1115
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Name: Ashley
Country: United States
State: Illinois
Metro: Chicago
Birthday: 11/15/1984
Gender: Female
Interests: Anything and everything. I love to laugh, and do at just about every opportunity I have. If you're a friendly person, you're golden!
Expertise: Softball. I rock at it, and yes, I will be conceited about it. I could kick your ass with my eyes closed, and our team is the best fucking team in the world. MOVE OUT!
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
AIM:  slugzac152215
Member Since:
8/31/2004
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| Hello, my name is:
Ashley
Who holds your heart at the moment?
I wish I had an answer to this one. At the moment nobody.
Are your parents over the age of 40?
Yeah. Father's almost 50.
Do you have siblings over the age of 21?
Sara's gonna be there in a few months.
What is your favorite kind of weather?
Fall. I love the colors of the leaves. I love walking around in sweatpants and hoodies and it's perfectly OK to do so. Football gets more fun to watch. There's just something about the fall that I really love.
What is your favorite color shirt to wear?
Usually it's blue. That makes up about 80% of my wardrobe.
Are you happy with your life?
Not really, but that's also for a lot of lack of trying. I suppose I could be a little more optimistic about things, but as of lately, I really don't have anything all that exciting to look forward to.
Would you change yourself for someone?
I've tried that. It doesn't work. Though as I did try to change myself I realized that I was chasing after something that I was never going to get.
Have you ever changed your clothes while in a vehicle?
Haha. That's always a nice accomplishment. I've done it while driving from South Campus to North Campus before.
When was the last time you went shopping?
I went to Kohl's with Sara because she didn't want to go alone. I don't shop.
Are you wearing any jewelry?
None at all. Not much of a jewelry person.
What are you doing tomorrow?
It's Sunday. What I do every Sunday. Watch football. Sleep a lot. Do a lot of nothing.
Is there anyone that you wish was out of your life?
Out of my life? I don't wish anyone dead, that's for sure. But there are a few people that I could do without.
Do you have any tattoos or piercings?
Two tattoos, two ear piercings.
Did you kiss anyone today?
Nope. Won't kiss anyone today either.
When's the last time you fell or ran into something?
Let's see...I think the last time that I completely wiped out was when I was running up the stairs and then tripped up the stairs and made a nice loud noise in the hall. I always run into things though. That's part of my nature.
Have you ever moved?
Yes I have.
Are you listening to music right now?
No. I like the silence right now. It's quite peaceful.
Have you ever had a song written about you?
No. That would be something quite amazing though. Let me tell you.
If you could change your eye color what would it be?
I'd want brown eyes.
What was the WORST thing that happened to you today?
I've been at work since 8:45...but that's about it. The day is young.
Do you know a lot about cars?
I know enough.
Do you still turn to your parents for advice or comfort?
Yeah, I'm pretty tight with my mom.
Are you currently happy with your relationship status?
I'm never happy with my relationship status.
When's the next time you'll see your best friend?
When I get home from work I guess. I kinda live with them.
How has the week been?
Pretty shitty. I've been sick and exhausted. Stupid sinus infection.
Is there something you would like to tell someone but can't?
I'm pretty sure that I don't have many secrets left to tell anyone. And if I do, it probably isn't very important.
On a scale of 1-10 how good is your life?
I'll go with a 7 right now.
Are you mean?
I've been known to be a real bitch sometimes. But I'm a Mahn and that's how we can get.
How many people do you trust?
Right now? About two.
Are you waiting for something?
The day that my student loans are finally paid off.
How long was your last phone call?
Less than a minute.
Where are you taking a trip to this year?
I think that I'm supposed to be going to Oklahoma with Bam, but then I just heard that she wants to go to Virginia. So I don't know. I choose Oklahoma over Virginia. There is so much more to look forward to in Oklahoma.
What was the reason you last shouted at some one?
For the past couple of days my head has been hurting, so any yelling that I would do would hurt it more. I don't think that I've yelled about anything at all lately. I've tried to be very calm about things.
Will you ever get married?
Only time will tell that story.
Where is your dad right now?
Work maybe. Don't really know.
What kind of phone do you have?
A Nokia something or other.
What are you listening to?
The blowing in the vents of the heat.
What color are your eyes?
Hazel.
Do you like fire?
Fire is fun. Gives my mom a job sometimes.
Are you allergic to anything?
Haha. Just about everything on this planet. It's totally bullshit.
Do you have a crush on anyone?
Not so much anymore. I think that I might have gotten past him. There's always Zac though...
Do you miss someone right now?
Yeah. I always miss him.
What is your favorite color?
Blue. Of course.
What does your mom call you?
Ashley, Ash, Dolly
What do your friends call you?
Ashley, Ash, Kirstan and Sara can call me Honeysmacks.
Has anyone told you that they like you more than a friend?
Yeah. But that was after he showed me his naked dance over the internet and Sara and I had fits of laughter because he was totally creepy. Something about telling a girl you like them after showing them how you have the worst farmer's tan ever, along with a nice jiggle dance to go with it, doesn't exactly strike my fancy.
What did you do last night?
Good story. I got home, read a little, tried to go to sleep at 7:30 because I was bored, ended up coloring, wrote a really nice poem, then laid on the floor and stared at my stars listening to Christmas music because I was ditched. Yeah, then I went to bed finally at 11:00.
How is your day so far?
It's a typical Saturday. It sucks.
What were you doing this afternoon at 12?
At 12 I'll be closing up the office, then picking up my hopefully done laundry, then dropping my keys off at Peggy's house, and then probably nothing.
Whats your favorite season?
Fall. It's just too colorful for words.
When was the last time you cried and why?
I almost cried last night because I could feel myself having a breakdown. But I cried Wednesday because my head hurt so bad that I couldn't even lay down.
Have you ever cried while taking a shower?
Yeah. Then you don't know if you're crying anymore or if it's just water dripping down your face.
What were you doing at 12 am last night?
Sleeping.
When did your last hug take place?
Good question.
What was the last movie you watched?
I watched The Green Mile on TV the other night.
Who was the last person to call you?
Mom.
Do you sleep with the light on or off?
Off. I don't like very much light in my room at night at all. It's too distracting.
| | |
| Pick a word that begins with the first letter of your first name.
Absolutely Amazing Athlete! Beat that.
Have you ever caught anything on fire?
Of course I have.
Are you bipolar?
This is up to personal opinion. Sometimes, I think that we all are.
How long is your hair when it is wet?
Just a little below my shoulders.
What was the last thing you took a bite of?
I just killed my nails from being in a bad mood.
What are you wearing on your feet?
I have pink nail polish. Does that count?
How many times do you talk on the phone a day on average?
Once or twice usually.
How many times have you been to the ER?
Um, like twice I think. Ankle and knee injuries.
Do you log on to Myspace every day?
It's depressing.
Is your profile private? Why/why not?
No. I don't really give a shit who reads my things.
What are you listening to?
I can hear my neighbor's TV. That's it.
Have you ever been to NYC?
I love it there. I would love to go back.
What are you thinking about right now?
How much I hate what's going on right now, and how I wish that I could just break away from all of this pain I'm in. This is the most stupid thing ever. I don't understand.
What color is your keyboard?
Black with white markings.
Have you ever been on an airplane?
Yes, but I really don't like flying much. It's very nauseating.
Are you wearing socks?
No way. I hate socks.
Do you like your life?
Right now I fucking don't.
Do you have trust issues?
Not as much as I probably should.
Do you believe in love at first sight?
I believe in lust at first sight.
In the past 72 hours have you been under the influence?
No, but after the doctor tomorrow, I'm willing to make an exception.
How has this past week been for you?
Up until about 8 hours ago, my week was going fantastic.
Who was the last person you texted?
Kirstan. We're going to see the Sisterhood 2!
Last person of the opposite sex to give you a hug?
I think it was Steve. I don't even remember.
First person under 'P' on your cell phone?
It's Paisan's Pizza actually.
Any fun plans for tonight?
I don't even know.
Who are you dissapointed in right now?
Aleks. I have my reasons. Rae because she lies "in my best interest". What the fuck is that?
When was the last time something bothered you?
Earlier today.
Have you ever broken someone's heart?
I don't even know. I might have.
Are you the type that would rather stay at other people's houses or have them at yours?
I guess it would depend on the situation.
Do tattoos and piercings excite you?
That they do. Well tattoos do. Piercings can get really overdone. Not that tattoos can't, but I would rather a tattoo than like, a nipple piercing. That's fucked up.
Do you know anyone whose name starts with a Z?
Zac. My future husband.
Is there a reason for your MySpace song?
Garth Brooks 'The Dance'. No real reason. I really just like it.
I'll bet you're missing someone right now...
Of course I am.
When was your last encounter with the police?
Last Saturday at the fire department/police charity softball game.
Have you kissed in the rain?
No. I would like for that to change though.
Is there anyone that you care more about than yourself?
Just about everyone on the planet.
Is there something you wish you could tell someone but you can't?
There are a lot of things that I wish that I could say to a lot of people. I'm just too chicken to say anything.
Someone knocks on your window at 2 am, who do you want it to be?
Zac, Michael Phelps, so and so...you get the picture. Any one of them will do.
Wanna have kids before you’re 30?
That would be cool.
Do you look more like your mom or dad?
I've been told my father.
Name something you have to do tomorrow?
Go to the doctor to make sure that I'm OK!
Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?
Yes, as a matter of fact they have. I don't hear it often, but it's nice when someone does compliment me.
Do you smile a lot?
Just about every second of the day. It doesn't take much to please me.
Who sent you your last text?
Kirstan.
Who was the last person you cried in front of?
Um, Rae and Aleks I think. I kept it together today.
Do you get 8 hours of sleep everyday?
God no. I'm not that lucky.
Have you ever crawled through a window?
Uh huh. I got locked out of the house and had to get back in some how.
Have you ever dyed your hair?
A few times. I probably won't be doing that much anymore.
Will this weekend be a good one?
I hope so. I need a good weekend.
Have you ever worn the opposite sex's clothing?
Yeah. They get more comfortable clothes.
Look behind you, what do you see?
My bookshelf that has like, five books and all of my Disney Snow Globes on it. The one thing from my childhood that I will always love.
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| 1. Did anyone watch you the last time you kissed someone?
Like kiss, kiss? No. We were alone.
2. When you’re walking, do you stop to drink?
Not that I can recall. I hate losing my stride.
3. Do you believe that if you want something bad enough you’ll get it?
I believe that anything is possible. I've been really optimistic the past couple days.
4. Have you ever kissed someone in a vehicle?
No...I don't think so.
5. Have you ever snuck out of your house?
No. I never really had to. My parents were pretty OK with me doing what I wanted when I wanted.
6. Kill or Be killed?
Be killed. Unless it was in self-defense!!
7. What did you do last night?
What did I do last night? Watched the Olympics. Watched Idle Hands. really not a whole lot. I did read a little.
8. What did you do today?
Cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed, watched Stepmom/The Pursuit of Happiness (I flipped around), took a nap (totally an accident), went to the park and played basketball/volleyball/on the playground for two hours, came home and relaxed some.
9. Do you like someone right this second?
Yes I do! And it's not who you think it is. I'm getting past that. Thank God.
10. Would you ever get a tattoo?
I've got two! I want one more.
11. What is the last thing you ate?
I had a yogurt. It was delish!
12. Are you a morning person or a night person?
Totally a night person. Hence the reason for me doing this at 1:48 in the AM.
13. Do you snore?
Apparently I do. Aleks said that he woke up the other day and when he walked past my room, he could hear me snoring. Haha. Oh well.
14. Have you ever gotten arrested?
No. I'd like to see a cop arrest me.
15. What would you do if you opened up your front door to a dead body?
Wonder why I was the unfortunate soul who got to discover said dead body. Then I would scream, call the police and leave it there.
16. Do you like to spend time with people?
Sure I do. I like to be around lots of people!
17. Are you hungry?
Nope.
18. Are you a forgiving person?
Oh for sure. Sometimes too forgiving.
19. When was the last time you did the dishes?
This morning. I'll probably end up doing them again tomorrow too.
20. Are you talking to anyone while doing this?
Nope. I think that just about everyone I know is in bed.
21. Do you want a flat screen TV?
I would love one of those. And a flat screen monitor.
23. Have you ever thought someone died, when they really didn’t?
Um, no. Sometimes when actors die, I don't believe it. Like Heath Ledger. Now when I read that shit online, I thought it was a joke. Seriously. And then Rae was like, no, it's on TMZ. Craziest thing ever. RIP Heath.
24. What's one thing you can’t wait for?
I can't wait for the weather to start getting cooler. I love hoodie weather. That means football season.
25. Your name plus "ness"?
Ashness!
26. Three feelings at the moment.
Anxious, Giddy, Optimistic. Man, I would not be liked in a room of depressed people.
27. Done anything you regret so far in life?
Yeah. But I'm learning from my mistakes as I go. Everyone does something stupid at one point or another. Just gotta get over it and move on.
28. Are you listening to anything?
Some crickets outside my window.
29. Where are you right now?
I would be in my room at my desk.
30. What's your goal before summer comes?
Try to get a little more tan. I have this week.
32. Last movie you watched?
Uh, The Notebook was just on TV.
33. Last song you sang out loud?
"You Are The Music In Me" from High School Musical 2
34. Are you thinking of someone right now?
I'm always thinking of someone.
35. Who is the last person you talked to on the phone?
Sara.
36. Last thing you downloaded on your computer?
That would be, Good Lovin' covered by Hanson.
37. Have you changed much this year?
Yeah. I think I have.
38. Where was the last place you went besides where you are?
The park. Forest Road has a killer new playground.
39. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celeb?
Not that I can recall.
40. Do you speak any other language?
I speak Spanglish.
41. Do you dress for style or comfort?
Comfort. Style is sometimes overrated.
42. Name someone with the same birthday as you.
Kevin Kruse.
43. Ever had a drunken night in Mexico?
Haven't gone that far south yet. I'm working on it.
44. What’s the craziest thing you’ve done?
Daredevil Dive at Six Flags?
45. Favorite color?
Blue and Pink.
46. What is your favorite Nickelback song?
I'm a fan of Hero. I also like Rockstar.
47. What are you looking forward to this summer?
The start of fall ball, I hope.
48. Last time you smiled?
Ha, when I thought about who I like.
49. When's the last time you cried?
Last week I think. Crazy fight with my mom.
50. If you could have anything in the world, what would you want?
For money to grow on trees.
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| 1. I have come to realize that my butt: hurts after roller blading for the first time in months.
2. I have come to realize that when I talk: I either talk to be heard, talk to impress those who I shouldn't be or don't need to, or end up talking myself into trouble.
3. I have come to realize that, if I love someone: That someone will more than likely have someone else that they love, and I will never have a chance like that with him, or any other guy. I really hate the idea of true love. It scares the crap out of me honestly, because I want it so badly, that I don't want to just settle. I know who I love, in some kind of sense of love, and even that terrifies me.
4. I have come to realize that, I need: my mom. I probably would not survive if she wasn't around.
5. I have come to realize that, I lost: myself a long time ago. I really wish that I could find myself again though, because this hole that I'm in is only getting deeper.
6. I
have come to realize that, I hate it when: I can't sleep at night because I have so much on my mind. Like right now. Do you wanna know what's on my mind?? Here we go: my father, my finances, school, work, Disney and whether or not I really do want to go, relationships, my personal well-being, the sudden obsessions that I'm having and the habits that I have which are only getting worse and worse, my dependability on some people to be happy, that I live vicariously through certain people because they have what I want...that's just some of it!!
7. I have come to realize that, if I'm drunk: I'm a much more fun person to be around. I don't give a shit about anything, and I like it that way.
8. I have come to realize that, marriage: is my most sought after dream. I want to get married more than anyone can ever know, and it scares me that I want that kind of a relationship. I can barely even talk to males, let alone find one who is willing to settle with me.
9. I have come to realize that, work: is there. It exists. There's no getting around it. You have to do it. I just hope that I find what I'm looking for one day.
10. I have come to realize that, I will always be: wanting much more than I have right in front of me.
11. I have come to realize that, I like: the wrong person. And I wish that people didn't make it even harder on me when it comes to this person. Fuck.
12. I have come to realize that, the last time I cried was: because of a stupid reason, but for whatever reason, suddenly, I've been way more emotional than I should be. And not just over big things, but all the small things that happen that bug the shit out of me.
13. I have come to realize that, my cell phone is: my lifeline.
14. I
have come to realize that, when I wake up in the morning: I wish that I was waking up next to someone.
15. I have come to realize that, before I go to sleep at night: I think about the one thing that I want more than anything and wish so deeply in my heart that I will some day have it, even though I know that what it is, can never ever be mine.
16. I have come to realize that, right now I am thinking about: hibernating for a week straight because I feel so terrible about myself right now. I seriously wish that there was some way to talk to people. But I really don't know how anymore. I feel like I can't even have a descent conversation with Rae and Aleks because I get so embarrassed about things and so defensive about other things.
17. I have come to realize that, babies: are amazing. They're the tiniest little things ever, and yet they bring out the most love out of anyone.
18. I have come to realize that, when I get online: I sometimes hope to see that one name on my buddy list, just to know that I can talk to him if I had the chance. And it's not Erik.
19. I have come to realize that, today I will: feel terrible. And I don't know what to do to make myself happy.
20. I have come to realize that, tonight I will: lay in bed and think about things, I will talk to myself for a while too, going over different situations in my head and hearing them go the way that I want them to. I will also listen to my iPod and have Hanson on forever.
21. I
have come to realize that, tomorrow I will: put a smile on my face despite how truly unhappy I really am.
22. I have come to realize that, I really want to: make everything go away.
23. I have come to realize that, working out: is what I miss the most about having the motivation I used to. I need that strength back so badly.
24. I have come to realize that, friends: are what makes life interesting. You never know how a day could go with them, but at the end of the day, you know that they have your back and you have theirs.
25. I have come to realize that, the person who might repost this is: probably nobody.
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| I have so many things that are going on right now that I don't know what to deal with. First, I have the decision of figuring out what I want to do with the rest of my life. I know that people say you don't have to decide now, but I do. I need something with a better income and a much more steady position that I really enjoy. Don't get me wrong, I love what I do right now, but I have such a hard time because I get too attached to some kids, and other ones I just don't wanna be around. During the summer, I can get away from them really easily, just run away or find another kid to do something with, but at school, I have to supervise them and deal with them and try to make sure that they don't destroy the classroom.
Then comes the attachment problem. Dean, the boy that I talked about before, that goes home and talks about me, told his mom that he doesn't wanna move on to second grade. He thinks that he's stupid and that he's not as smart as the other kids, and that's totally not the case. But what's worse is that his mom is considering letting him get held back. The worst part about all of this though, is that he doesn't wanna move on because of me. He and I have a special bond, not inappropriate or anything, but one in which we rely on each other for everything really. I look forward to seeing him each day because he amazes me with how funny he is, how smart he is, and his incredible ability to make me laugh. But the teacher doesn't want me to be around him as much anymore, and that totally sucks, because he's six, and how to you explain to a six year old that he needs to not be by you because other kids might get jealous?? I don't know what to do about him. I just know that next week, I'm glad he'll be on vacation, but upset that he'll be on vacation at the same time. This is so bad.
Let's see. I decided that I want to resign my lease on the apartment. I have no idea why really. I mean, I have plenty of good reasons to. I have no where else to stay where I could comfortable fit, and I really am happy here most of the time. The only downside is the money factor and that once the summer starts, I'm gonna be running on low for a while because of my lack of money and need to pay off student loans and shit. I'm gonna have to be really tight with everything that I do this summer if I want this to work. Things with Rae and Aleks are great though. Not nearly as hard as they were in the beginning. We still have our moments, but for the most part, we get along. A lot of the time I feel like I'm just interfering, and they tell me that I'm not, but I just take myself out of the equation so that I don't bother them.
I'm going to see Hanson again on April 18th. I'm going with my mom, and they're playing at the U.S. Cellular Coliseum in Bloomington. I didn't think that I would be back down that way so soon, but that's OK. Jennifer is gonna be there too, so I'm totally excited about that. I haven't seen her in a really, really long time, and I probably miss her most of anyone from school. I'm beginning to depend more and more on the music that they make nowadays. I have no idea why, but that's all that I listen to. In the car going to and from work, some mornings when I'm getting ready for work, when I'm working out. I have like, a total Hanson problem, but they make me happy. Probably more happy than most things do. Now if only I could go to Disney 3 times a year. That would make everything perfect.
Other than that, nothing much more to report I guess. No guys, just the same old situation I've been in. I didn't make the fire department like I had wanted, so I have to figure something out for that too. Who knows how long that could take with me. If I ever get my act together and start to apply myself more. I wish that I had more motivation. But I promised Dean that next year I wouldn't fail, so I have to make it work. I don't know what I would do if I failed again. As if my self-esteem isn't low enough.
Alright, I'm going to bed. Tomorrow is my long day. No good.
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